Die(t)
15th May 2018 5 min read
— Tags: body positivity, gemma bray, mum bod, team tomm, the organised mum, TOMM
Diet … die with a T stuffed on the end. I mean a T!!
.. tea, food! Not a good start
The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that last week I produced a vlog and in it I mentioned that I was doing the 5:2 diet. It was a throwaway comment and the vlog was in no way focused on my food intake.
I didn’t speak about it anywhere else, do you want to know why? I felt a little strange about it. A bit embarrassed. Like I was letting the sisterhood down by embarking on what some people might view as a quick fix diet.
I have never done the 5:2 diet before. Today was supposed to be the first fast day of my third week. I weighed myself at the end of week 2 and I hadn’t lost a bloody ounce!
Not one single solitary bloody ounce!
To say I was pissed off is a slight understatement! I actually moved the scales around the house a few times to see if this made a difference. But the results were still the same.
This time last year I was a member of a local gym and I had a session booked in with their in-house nutritionist, a really lovely lady who had the terrible job of telling me that as women get older their calorie needs drop by quite a bit and that as a result it is really easy for the weight to creep on.
“But will my fondness for pringles diminish?” I asked her?
“No!” she said “You have to make a choice, you either accept the slow creep of weight or you cut your calories”.
I quit the gym shortly after.
I have always been tall and athletically built. I never thought about my weight until I had my first child. When I saw it as a massive green light to eat ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD! I put on 4 stone with that pregnancy and was more than a bit miffed when I saw my postnatal body a few days later. Why hadn’t it all dropped away with the placenta?
Oh God the realisation was a brutal kick in the bits (actually literally becuase I had sticthes and my bits were in tatters!) I threw myself into Weight Watchers, lost the lot and then gained a bit back … but was happy and carried on with my life.
Second baby … didn’t put on as much mainly because my marriage was falling apart and after I had the baby I threw myself into a crazy exercise regime to try and keep my husband. It didn’t work. He left. I lost 1 stone in a month through stress. The divorce diet.
At my slimmest after the Divorce Diet
Third pregancy. A happy marriage (new man) but didn’t want to pile the pounds on again so I losely followed slimming world as I knew that this was approved by The Royal College of Midwives. I weighed myself 10 days after giving birth and I had only gained 6lbs. Good result. Finally nailed it! Third time lucky!
Anyway back to today and back to the 5:2. I am hungry. Last week I went to a fitness bootcamp which I love going to. But I had zero energy in my legs and my performance was shocking. I had fasted the day before. I can only conclude that I didn’t have enough fuel in my body to do my usual workout.
So why did I embark on the 5:2? Quite simple really. I hate dieting. I love food. So the thought of smashing it for just two days a week really appealed. Get your head down Gemma, for 2 days and then just jog on with the rest of the week.
I also got sucked into the hype. I saw Michael Mosley smiling at me from a newspaper in Tesco and it was like little brain worm … quick fix it whispered …. QUICK FIX!
I am not overweight my BMI is 23, so in the normal category.
But and it is a BIG BUT (leave the jokes at the door please) I feel the pressure about my weight and body much more now that I am doing the job I am doing.
Before I started my Instagram account I was happy with how I looked. HAPPY!
H.A.P.P.Y!
Another kid later! HAPPY
Now I feel like I need to drop weight again. I feel that pressure because of the industry I have entered.
Without wanting to sound like a bit of a wanker, I’ve been on TV, the blog is going great guns and there are loads of you following along on Instagram and Facebook (Hi TeamTOMM!) So my media presence is growing. People now take photos of me and I can’t control these photos. I can’t make sure they take them from a flattering angle. I can’t scroll through their iphones and delete the ones where I have a double chin (the evidence that I like wine, pringles and takeaway food) People recognise me in Bluewater and I feel like I am always having to suck in my gut!
And doesn’t it follow that if you are slimmer there is a higher chance you will be successful in your career? I mean you only have to look in the magazines to see the women who are doing well are the skinnier ones. Being slim as a woman is a sign you are in control right? Right? I mean sod what it is going on between your ears ladies, as long as you look good you’re winning!
What was it Lilly Allen said?
“Now everything is cool as long as I’m getting thinner”
But you know what I actually cannot be arsed anymore. I am 37, I have three kids (just about to potty train the toddler) I work full time and I am tired. We don’t eat junk food. I cook all our meals from scratch. I exercise regularly, running, HITT and strength training. But it still doesn’t feel enough.
This is my Britney moment but instead of shaving my head I’m writing a blog (I think it might be a healthier expression of my frustration).
So I am just going to keep plugging away over here. Working and doing my best with my brain. Raising my kids, eating nutritious food that I have cooked from scratch. Carrying on with my exercise and my body will find its own balance.
Killer question though … can I have a normal mum bod and achieve my career ambitions .. a book, TV appearances, dinner parties with Tom Hardy … be generally a good egg? Well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see!
Life is all about choices and I am making one right now!
I am choosing to go and eat a tuna salad and blow my 500 calorie limit for today!
Big Love ❤️
